Its All About Me...Now Deal With It

So tomorrow is the first day of the shittiest camp in the world. Ben officially left tonight. Life is pretty shitty.

Seriously...camp sucks this year.

Going to a wedding on saturday. Not looking foward to that at all.

I said goodbye to Ben today. I honestly didn't think i was going to cry so much. I woke up thinking okay..not as sad and i thought. But when it time for me to leave i started balling. When i got in my car and started to drive away from his house i started crying even more. Honestly, there's so much i have to say to him and tell him how grateful i am for his friendship and the shit he put up with, with me these past 2 years. I hate cali. :( (i know these lyrics are corny but its how i feel at the moment)



The things we did, the things we said
Keep coming back to me and make me smile again
You showed me how to face the truth
Everything that's good in me I owe to you

Though the distance that's between us
Now may seem to be too far
It will never seperate us
Deep inside I know you are

Never gone, never far
In my heart is where you are
Always close, everyday
Every step along the way
Even though for now we've gotta say goodbye
I know you will be forever in my life (yeah)
Never gone

It was def NOT the same. I dk, i have to feel around to see about this staff and see if we can fuck with them. It was sad, no Kallie, No Gloria, No Ben. Just not the same. I mean there was Elyse, and Dee and obv Jami and Marc and Chip but everyone else is new. Eric is there but its not fun to fuck with him without Kallie or Gloria or Ben. Just not the same. I think im gonna be bored. :(

Um so Ben's moving next week. I think having camp orientation today and him not being there made me more sad and actually start thinknig about him moving again. I havent thought about it in a while.

grrrrrrrrrrreat. now im in a sad mood. I think im also upset that i didnt see Rob. I guess this should be the closure i have with him but i guess its something ill never have.

its hard...im loosing the only 2 friends ive trusted.

Ben's moving next week........

I guess it could start on thursday night....

After babysitting James, Tina and Rob came back to Chips house so i stayed and hung out. BUT, Rob (from buffalo) was coming down to LI for the weekend to celebrate Justins (another Buff Stater) 21st birthday in Huntington. He wanted me to pick him up from the airport at 11 and drive out there, i said no. But he did ask me to be at the airport when he landed so i did. I went from chips house to the airport. Was there for 10 mins and Justin was being an ass so they left. Rob told me he was comin to Hewlett during the day because Justin had work, i said ok.

Friday...
Woke up and took Amanda to day care. Than came back home and passed out. Waited and Waited for Robs call but it never came. I called him but didnt pick up. So i went to work. They were celebrating Amanda's birthday in her day care class so i left the afterschool and went to watch with Chip. It was so cute. Than went back to work. which sucked. So im driving home and waited for Robs called, i called him but he never called. So i went to the movies with Marc and saw Cars. It was cute. Than Rob finally called me at 12ish and some girl in the back kept telling him to hang up the phone. so i said fuck it.

Saturday....
My grandma came home from the hospital! yay so we went to pick her up and take her home that was nice. Than i came home and went right to Amanda's birthday party. It was really cute. She looked at me and thought everyone was leaving. When she sees me she is afraid her parents are gonna leave. Its sad but cute. I love her so much. So after we went back to Chip and Ellens house and hung out there. It was nice but it was more fun with Rob and Tina and James and James and all of them showed up. We played flip cup. It was a good time. Chip was wasted. ive never seen him drunk like that. It was great. I didnt get home until 330. It was a good time.

Sunday...
Today the family is coming over. Than prob gonna go see Anthony cause he has a hard time on fathers day.

**Word to the wise...Never tell someone something and dont mean it,OR say your going to do something and don't do it. Cause it hurts when something is said and nothing happens. It pisses me off.

ps~im so excited Runs house is back on tv cause its the best show on mtv by far.

pps~ Talking to Kallie the other day made my life :)

She is having emergencry surgery tomorrow on her lung. They have to fix it because it is being punctured by a cracked rib. Than once they fix it they have to wait and see if it works on its own. Could take a few days. Its all very scary, she is scared.

as for me...........?

Pick the first Letter of Your first Name
A-Gangster
B-Gorgeous
C-Pretty
D-Boyish
E-Emotional
F-Retarded
G-Dyke
H-Sweet
I-Girly
J-Christian
K-Beautiful
L-Popular
M-Slutty
N-Sexy
O-Hot
P-Gay
Q-Punky
R-Hot
S-Preppy
T- Lesbian
U-Ugly
V-Wonderful
W-Geeky
X-Bitchy
Y-Under-appreciated
Z-Over-appreciated


Now the third letter in your middle name(if you dont have one use your last name):

A-Jew
B-Boy
C- coward
D-Whore
E-Queen
F-Retard
G-Pot Head
H-Slut
I-Girl
J-Goth
K-Nerd
L-Slutty
M-Obsessor
N-Alcoholic
O-Geek
P-Babe
Q-Crackwhore
R- Beauty queen
S-Prince (ess)
T-Fucker
U-Cry Baby
V-Jackass
W-Punk
X-Scaredy-cat
Y- bitch
Z-Chocoholic


Now What Color Is the Shirt You Are Wearing:

Red- Who's Good With My Hands
purple- Who Looks At Porn 24/7
Orange- Who Likes It In The Butt
Yellow- Who Wants To Have Sex With You
Green- Who Will Do Anything For Sex
Pink- Who Will Do Anything For Crack
Blue- Who Will Rock Your World
White- Who everyone wants to fuck
Brown- Who Wears Big Sunglasses
Black- Who Wants To Fuck Everyday
Gray- Who Gives Great Head
None- Who Is A Beast

Its only 11:00 in the morning and ive done more thinking than i usually do in one day.

Being the best sister i could be i had to drop off a book at school for steven. Today is his last day of high school. I remember that day. It was great. We did nothing but sit in the hallways signing yearbooks. Driving over to the high school made me really sad. I wish i could go back to those days and relive everything. Start over with a clean slate. Would i do things different? I have no idea. There are def those things i wouldnt changed even if i wanted too. Who knows. I just wish i could go back to those innocent days when nothing mattered except wat i was going to wear to school and who was going to talk about me today. (Yup..its been one of those weeks)

I also got some great news today. Monkia and her girlfriend got engaged last night. She seems so happy. They've been together for 2 years and she said last night made the relationship so much better. They are so happy together and im so excited for them. Ya know, in an episode of Friends, (The one with the Lesbian wedding) Pheobe's body is taken over by a spirit that wont cross over because she hasnt seen everything. And when she is at the Lesbian wedding she feels that she has seen everything and is able to cross over. Maybe after that ill beable to be happy. Im very excited for them. We should all be lucky enough to be happy the way they are.

Im quitting camp and going to this this summer instead


http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/etc/162440210.html

My grandma is having surgery on thursday morning. They said the word 'tumor' i hate that word....we will know on thursday for sure

Where to start..

So i babysat all day on friday. By the time Ellenmarie got home i was so tired i couldnt keep my eyes open. So i didnt feel like doing things. But found out Michael and Marc were going to dinner and a movie (how cute they are the new couple) So I wanted to go but because the weather was so bad i didnt want to drive alone out to the mall. But neither of them wanted to pick me up. So i invited my friend Justin to come with us. But after i got dressed and was waiting for him to pick me up, he bailed. So there i was sitting dressed. I called michael and marc and neither of them cared, even tho they didnt even leave oside yet they didtn care to pick me up. So since by that time the weather was bad again, i got undressed and back into bed. I was pissed. Called Nadav adn we hung out for a little bit. Had a long talk...it was interesting....

Saturday i woke up to a horrible phone call about my grandma. ::See post before this for details:: Since i couldnt sit home i called Lauren and we went to the mall. I got a new pair of converse sneakers, the ones without the laces. Ive wanted them for a long time. I <3 them. Got home and took a nap. The mall was packed because it was horrible weather. I had made plans with James for saturday night but we wanted to do different things, So we did our own things and than met up after. I went to freeport with Michael, Marc, Jeremy and Adam. Michael tried h/u with me again. It was so awkward and i just can't deal with it again. He like almost raped me. I said no, be he kept putting his hand down my shirt. I kept pulling away and he kept moving closer to me. It was horrible. I was really drunk but i was telling him to stop. This was in the car between the bars and the bagel store. Jeremy and Adam went in 1 car and me, michael and marc went in marc's car. Michael got into the backseat with me! When we got to the bagel store i ran over to Jeremy and told him he had to come into the car because michael was making me really uncomfortable. So he did. But he kept trying to feel me up and rubbing my leg. Until Jeremy said something to him. It was horrible. I had them drop me off where james was. James was so angry when i told him the story. James drank a little but not that much. After sitting for about 2 hours, he drove me home.

Sunday i woke up and went to the Mets game. It was exciting being there. Awesome seats once again. Right by Barry Bonds, it was great. Right behind 3rd base. Great view of Reyes and Wright. I was in heaven. I got so sunburnt. When i got home i had to go pick up my car since i left it in oside the night before. Than i just came home and passed out. All in all it was a fun weekend.

Waiting now to hear about my grandma's tests today. She has them all week. I hate this shit

Tomorrow is the devil day........

we got a phone call this morning at 830 telling us that my grandma was being rushed to the emergency room. Something is wrong with her lungs. My mom is there now. We dont know anything else.

So i brought Amanda to my house today instead of sitting in Chips house all day. A change of scenery. She is sitting on my bed watching Cinderella. Im taking pictures so maybe ill post them. If ur lucky.

Freeport festival this weekend. Hanging out with James tonight. Mets game on sunday. James, Rob and Joe will be there so ill prob spend some time with them at the game.

No work today. Hence the reason im babysitting all day. The JCC is closed because its a stupid holiday. The end of the Jews Mouring period. We are supposed to eat cheesecake for it? I dont know the meaning of it.

So i wanted to go to the beach this weekend. Didn't do that.

Wanted to go to the mets game tonight...didnt do that. Yup...because my ticket was given away. Originally i thought Chip and Ellen would be home at 330. Than James and Anthony thought it was 6. So i called Nicole and told her i wasnt sure. And she told me she would wait for me no problem. Than about a half hour later she calls me to tell me that she found someone else to go with her. Is that messed up a little or is that just me?

Anthony and Kim visited me while babysitting but Amanda was sleeping. James came and visited me also. and was still there when Chip and Ellen got back. So we all bbqed and ate dinner. it was yummy.

Now im waiting for my parents to bring me the biggest ice cream they could find.

Summers here and im alone....shocked....not really. :(

Friday...

Babysat allll freakin day. That sucked. But it wasnt bad because Amanda is at that age where u dont have to run after her around the house. She is independant so its all good. Chips mom showed up at 1130...Chip and Ellen came home at like 12ish. Than put amanda down for a nap and than i took them to the airport. It started pouring. POURING. on my way back from the airport. So i called Marcy and told her i was gonna be late. So i could stop at home first. Since i hadnt been home since 630 that morning.

Went to work late and didnt care about being there at all. It sucked balls.

After work i went and hung out with Ben. We went to union square for dinner at Dukes. Sox on one tv and Mets on another tv...it was great. Saw a few people in uniform. It was cool. It rained but we didnt get stuck in the down pour so that's good. Came home and passed out since it felt like the longest day ever.

Saturday...

It was my moms birthday. Spent the day with her. Went to the mall. Got a new bag. and a new Mets shirt. In Pink. Reyes. Its exciting. It matches my pink Mets hat. <3

Went to dinner in freeport at this nice resturant. On the water. My mom and i had drinks. Got tipsy. It was funny. After i went and hung out with Marc. I really wanted to hang out with James but he went away.

Sunday...

Didn't expect to do anything. Went out with my mom for a little bit. Lauren came over and we hung out. Than i bbqed with the parents since steven was at work. Than after i went to James' house. We went to Kathy and Kevin's house. Its soo cute. i love their house. Anyways, Joe was there. It was soo excited to see him. Like really excited. Had a few drinks. James was upset the whole night so that kinda made it a bummer cause i wanted him to be happy. But its all good. It was fun. I was known as the babysitter. Awesome. I need to get a life. Came home and that was it.

Today im babysitting for a few hours. And than im goin to the Met game tonight. Im excited.

Im wayy to nice

i agree to working wayy to much.

i need to learn how to say no.

just got home from babysitting all night. and guess what? im doing it all again alllll day tomorrow. Chip and ellenmarie are going away and instead of sending amanda to day care they want me to stay home with her so she will be there when they leave. oh wait...there's more. Im driving them to the airport. i dont mind. i swear i dont at all. its perfectly fine and i wont take money for driving them.

but after watching amanda alllll morning starting at 630...im going to work. regular. work.

Going to hang out with Ben tomorrow night. Havent hung out in a while. It will be nice.

woke up sick. like fever and everything. fucking cold from the freezing cold on sunday night. who would have thought it would be soo cold in the middle of may and i would get sick. This fucking blows. didn't go to work today cause i had fever. went to the dr. he gave me meds.

this sucks

Last night was alot of fun. Got there and it was freezing. But didnt expect it to get as cold as it actually got. The wind was too intense. Left at the end of the 8th inning. Litterally frozen, my feet hurt.

It was alot different where we were sitting compared to saturday. Last night there was actual trash talking, and agruing...it was great. I love NY.

Mets won. That also made it great. The guy next to me was from Alabama. He was in NY training for work but working in alabama. He was cute...until he dropped a piece of pretzel on the floor and picked it up and ate it. There was this really HOT mets fan sitting by us. My dad actually talked to him. Had to be in his 20s. He was hott. If i wasnt with my dad i prob would have talked to him. I did attempt to go out to the bathroom one time he did but he dissapperared when i got out there.

Woke up this morning to take Amanda feeling like shit. Like hung over but i didnt drink. No Voice and my nose was stuffed. it was bad.

Chip was home this morning so it took forever for Amanda to leave the house. Its all good. She is getting wayy too big. Like too big for me to pick up. hehe

So came home and slept the day away. Its great not having class. Cause if i did i def wouldnt have gone today and felt guilty but i was able to sleep without guilt. it was nice.

was supposed to meet up with my friend for lunch but she never called me. its all good. hopefully someday.

maybe seeing Ben on friday. Crossing my fingers nothing comes up this time. since i found out he's moving a few days earlier than i thought. not cool. cough cough

Marc is home...graduated. Richie graduated today. Michael and Jeremy graduate on thursday. They are all growed up...sniff sniff tear tear.

Spoke to Nadav today. I forgot what its like to talk to him. Depsite things he's a great friend. No really...he is.

i feel like shit...getting back into bed.

So i had to cancel plans yesterday with Ben. I felt soo guilty sitting there at the mets game thinking about how to make it up to him. I think i know a way......

Anyways, so i got a phone call from Monika asking me if I wanted to go to the Met/Yankee game yesterday. I was already going tonight with my dad and i wouldn't have gone if Ben didn't want me to go. But he told me it was okay (even tho i dont believe him) So i drove out to Raquels house. (Monika's girlfriend, it was her dad that got us the tickets) So we go since we had preferred parking you would think, it was a specail parking lot. But ill get to that later. So since the 4th person was Nicole we had to go to her neighborhood and sneek her out of it. Like meet her in a park and her sneek into our car without being seen. It was because she is super jew and they aren't allowed to drive or go anywhere on saturdays. I know ill explain that in another entry, its too tiring to explain now.

So since we couldnt get to her till 1230, (luckily she lives in kew gardens) we didnt get to the parking lots until about 100. We had to park on the other side of the Grand Central and take a bus from the parking lot to the stadium. That right there pissed me off more than anything. I should have taken the train with Anothny and James. (yea they went also) So we finally got to the stadium. Our tickets were feild level box seats. Behind 1st base. (even tho i would prefer 3rd base but we can't always get wat we want) I was sooo happy. The other girls didn't really care because they aren't into baseball as much as i am.

Since being with the girls annoyed me a little i went over to see Anthony and James. They took Lea and Kim. Obv. Lea's ticket was supposed to be mine but i told them origianally i couldnt go because i thought i was babysitting earlier than i really was. So being up there was nice. I think i would have loved going with them more than the girls. But sat in our seats. Towards the last few innings (when the mets were loosing) there were 4 seats by us but no one was answering their phones. Oh well. The game was amazing. I took a lot of pictures. (they are all posted on my website)

It took forever and a half to get to the car because we had to wait for a bus. We were not walking because it had to be at least a half hour walk. I would have been soo pissed. If my car wasn't at raquels house i would have taken a freakin train home. No joke.

Got up at 8 and jumped into the shower. Went over and babysat. That was my day. It was perfect weather for a baseball game. I got color on my face. It was great.

Im going tonight with my dad. The sun was out this morning, but now its cloudy and i think i just heard thunder. and its raining. Super. I just hope it stops for tonight. Whatever, im still excited. Watch for more pictures.

And i got a cute pink Mets hat. <3

David Wright won the game for the Mets...he's hot. He's my boyfriend. I love him more than anything. So excited for the rest of the weekend. I dont think anyone understands. Im actually smiling about something...its a first in a while. Hopefully it will be a good one <3